The Past Is In The Past
by Crystabel.Shalott
Summary: Annie runs to Finnick to tell him her feelings, Finnick can chose two things: let Snow win, by rejecting her, or leave the past behind and listening to his heart.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own 'The Hunger Games', they belong to Suzanne Collins.

The past is in the past:

I'm sitting on the sofa in the living room, a note-book in one hand and a pencil in the other. It's been a year and a half since Annie's games, and we all got back to normal. _Normal._ It's the wrong word. A victor's life is everything except normal, mine and Annie's especially. _Routine_, this word fits better: a way to keep oneself busy not thinking about all the things that happen. My routine consists in spending the morning with Mags and Annie and in the afternoon I usually write about myself. There is only one problem: as much as I try, as much as I want to express my frustration, write it down on paper to free myself of my nightmares, I can't. All I can think about is Annie. I try to push away the thought of her, but she just comes back. Not only is she constantly inside my mind but I can't look away from her neither. At first I thought that it was because I worried about her, I wanted to be there for her if she was overwhelmed with flashbacks, or was lost in her mind. But I was just lying to myself: Annie is stronger than she think she is. She is a survivor, she managed to win the games even if she was breaking down completely. It's not altruism or mere friendship what moves me.

That would have been too beautiful to be true!

She crept up on me, slowly and unexpected and now I am in love with her.

_I can feel you breathing, everywhere._

_I see you, everywhere._

I would have never thought it possible, not because she isn't a wonderful person but because I didn't think myself capable of such feelings. And yet I am here. I should have realized it sooner and try to prevent it. I can't love her! It is just painful, because even if I were to tell her the truth I could never be faithful only to her: I have my 'job'. I can't do that to her, she is so gentle and sweet and deserves so much more than the Capitol's whore. I wonder how she can stand my presence. Can't she see how dirty I am?

_Easy answer: she doesn't know the entire truth._

I would tell her, if I would know that she wouldn't run away disgusted. If she did, I couldn't stand it: I need her too much. I couldn't imagine my life without her: her smiles, her beautiful eyes, her selflessness... Anything. And she makes me feel a better person, when I am with her I act as my true self again: I can be the true Finnick Odair again. This is something that hasn't happened much in the last five years. I need her now more than ever. Was I in love with her from the beginning? No. We barely saw each other before her games.

And now I wonder way too often how it would be to feel her skin under my touch, how it would be to kiss her lips and stroke her hair.

_Stop it! _I am not any better than Capitol people if I think of her in this way. She doesn't deserve it, she is so much more than just a pretty face. If she was, I wouldn't have fallen for her: there are a lot of pretty girls in District 4, but they are not like her. We are so similar, both broken. She recognized my act nearly immediately after we met for the first time, most of the people don't see it even if they have known me for a lifetime.

_She is so different. In a good way._

My stream of consciousness is interrupted by a knock on the door, I open immediately because something might have happened to Mags or to Annie. It is Annie herself and she looks a mess.

"Annie, has something happened?"

"Yes... No..."

"Annie calm down. And tell me all from the beginning" I let her in and make her sit on the sofa, then I place myself beside her.

"Finnick, I have to tell you something" her cheeks redden.

"Go on"

"I love you, I have loved you for a long time now and I felt like I had to tell you, so here I am"

My mind goes blank for the shock. Annie loves me. I waited so long to hear those words and I can't believe I am hearing them. How is it possible that she fell for me? Ah right, she doesn't know the entire image of Finnick Odair, just her own version, which, unluckily, is not complete and it is the better version of myself. Not idealized, but some parts of my life are hidden from her. This is so wrong she shouldn't have got attached to me. I can never make her happy.

"I can't...I" I mumble.

"I shouldn't... I am so sorry" she gets up and leaves.

Of course I hurt her! I should have expected this, I should have seen it coming and stop it. And now she will think herself unworthy: she will think that she is not good enough for me. Little she knows that it is the complete opposite. Waves of regret hit me: wasn't this exactly what I wanted? Her loving me back?

"Idiot!" I hiss to myself. I did not even give her a chance: I should have told her the truth and then see how she would react. Let her chose what to do. Why did I let her go away? A part of me just wants to run after her: but I can't. Because staying with her, having a romantic relationship with Annie Cresta, would mean pulling her in danger. One wrong step and she would end up like my parents: dead. I can't do that to her.

"To hell with Snow!" I scream. This his ultimate form of control: not only the humiliation of being sold but also prevent any chance of living a normal life, any chance of happiness. Why can't I even stay with the girl I love?

_Risk it! _Whispers a voice in my mind. After all it is not sure that she will still love me after I tell her the truth though a part of me think she will do anyway. She will just say that it is detail. I scream again for frustration and then I walk outside reaching her house. It is only a few meters away but my journey lasts an eternity, every few steps I think of turning back because this entire situation is so wrong. But in the end I just move straight on.

Annie is sitting outside on the stairs of her front porch, a book opened in front of her. I sit beside her.

"Annie I have to..."

"Don't worry, I can..." No she is going to say that we can still be friends, but I will not accept that. She may do it I don't. I have to tell her the truth, once she knows she can decide what to do. I have to trust her.

So I begin "No Annie I have to tell you something which will make you change your mind about me. I should have told you sooner than this. When I won the games, President Snow made me an offer: because of my youth and popularity in the Capitol I had to sell myself to rich persons the moment I turned 16. I refused, I was disgusted and shocked, I mean I won the games and the deal was that I should live the rest of my life in peace; so Snow killed my family and asked me again. This time I said yes because I wanted to protect Mags. I'm the Capitol's whore, a pet and nothing more" silent tears are wetting my cheeks while I talk. And she begins to cry too, her tears leaving a wet stream on her pale skin.

"You are not just that Finnick. And I am sure you know that already"

"Sometimes I doubt about it. Anyway there is something else I have to tell you."

"Go on"

"Annie you crept up upon me. I love you too."

I wipe away her tears, gently rubbing my thumbs on her eyes. When our skin makes contact I feel like they electrocuted me, I flush because it feels so good and right. I know Annie feels it too because she smiles to me. I guess she is not scared away or she would have gone away by now. I lean forward to kiss her. And in the moment our lips touch everything else is forgotten: the past is in the past. The only thing that matters is us two and the rest of the world has disappeared.


End file.
